That dreaded thing

A lot of people ask how I manage I distance between us. Well truth be told I have good days and bad ones as you would expect. It’s never been an issue of “what is she up to” or “who is she with. No, it’s the missing her that I struggle with.

Now I may sound like a soppy old fool but when you plan on getting married to someone you naturally want to be with them a lot of the time. I'm in a long distance engagement and a long distance relationship is hard enough. I miss seeing her in the morning, I miss sitting on the sofa watching TV, I miss just being able to look in her eyes and tell her that I love her. However it’s not that I don’t speak to her as we chat on the phone pretty much every evening which is great. We talk about what we’ve been up to, what our friends have been up to, little ideas about our wedding and sometimes just random stuff. We have managed to keep this going for a good 14 months with me going to her or her coming home.

But recently this has been getting rather tedious and it’s have effect on our relationship. It’s a 3.5 commute on a boring long road which is only made better by Stephen Fry reading Harry Potter on audio book and the knowledge that we have a weekend together. Our time is so precious when we do see each other and something else has to be done on that time, we get a little grouchy with each other. We have a moan, then make up and then realise I have to go in an hour. But most of the time we make it count and go on a day trip or away for a weekend.

The good news is that this is soon coming to an end and she’ll be home and we get to start planning not only our wedding, but our future. So as I sit in my office writing this with a scone and tea I do have comfort in that this was only a short term thing and for the first time in 14 months I can see the end with the next chapter beginning to unfold.

The words of advice I give others seem so simple, but it does really make a difference.

• Talk daily even if it’s only for ten minutes and always have stuff to say. But don’t count the time spent on the phone as an indication of how good the relationship is, that’s done when you’re together.
• Don’t argue on the phone. It never ends well
• Plan your time so you don’t waste time trying to figure out what to do.
• Send a little surprise gift every now and again as it can really have a positive effect.
• But the most important thing is to be an open book. Tell them everything as the one thing that will keep you together and looking forward to the trip to the theatre is trust. If you don’t trust them, then you’re headed for disaster.

I’ll finish this with something my uncle told me

“All things really worth having in life never come easy”